


Love Might Be Our Redemption

by Platinum_Amortentia



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Het Relationship, draco/pansy - Freeform, dransy, half blood prince, tw swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-07 14:22:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10362396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Platinum_Amortentia/pseuds/Platinum_Amortentia
Summary: As Draco's new destiny finally sinks in, he can almost feel the walls of Hogwarts and the world around him closing in on him, suffocating him. There is no one he can tell, nothing he can do except shove his emotions and fears even deeper inside.A certain brunette stays by his side anyways.// As Draco copes with the pressures of being forced into the life of a Death Eater, Pansy becomes more than just a girlfriend, but the anchor keeping him from being washed away. Set during the events of the Half Blood Prince.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sort of a recount of the events of HBP but with more Draco, flushing out his side of the story. Rated M for language, some suggestive mature behavior, and a smidge of non con - that may change in the future and archive warnings may change as well if things become more explicit. 
> 
> Feedback encourages more updates, as is the same for every writer. It is noted and appreciated. :)
> 
> P.S. I named Draco's owl myself, lol

Pansy,

Words can’t express how much I have missed you this summer. I have had no joy in my time away from school anymore, with each passing year bringing us closer and each passing summer making me miss my time away from you more. My days have consisted of nothing but my mother breathing down my neck, for I am the only man in her life now that my father has been sent to Azkaban by the fucking Order of the Phoenix. My aunt Bella has been staying with us and as I’m sure I’ve told you before, she is quite...overbearing. You know how I appreciate my quiet time. 

Mother and I went to Diagon Alley today for my school books and ran into Potter and his little crew of puppies while I was getting new robes. I’m sure you can almost feel the annoyance radiating off me as I write this to you... I know you hate the mudbloods as much as I do, and having Granger stand there eyeing me like a feral cat was not something that I felt was pertinent to anyone’s agenda. The only thing that made me keep from turning them all into squealing piglets was the motivation that the sooner Diagon Alley was over, the sooner I would be back on the platform at 9 3/4 and I’ll get to see you. I’m afraid there is little to no future or point in me completing my education at Hogwarts, but until I figure out what there is next for us to do in life I will happily accept it as it means I’m away from my family, and back where I truly belong - by the side of someone who genuinely cares. 

My owl should reach you by the morning of return to Hogwarts at the very latest. I can’t wait to see you, my love. 

Draco xx

***

He had managed to sneak off to his room in Malfoy Manor early to write the letter to her before bed, knowing that it was the easiest way to send Mordecai to Pansy’s so he would make it there before she left for school. 

“Meet me at Hogwarts?” he asked his Eagle Owl, the elegant bird perched on his arm. 

Mordecai just blinked at him before taking off through the open window, soaring off into the night with Draco’s message to his love tied securely to his leg. Draco watched him grow smaller and smaller as he flew away across the night skyline, only resorting to his bed when Mordecai was out of sight and the only thing left to focus on was the bickering of his mother and aunt one floor below, trying to figure out what to do about Lucius in Azkaban.

***  
Pansy Parkinson folded her last sweater and was shutting the top of her trunk when a rustic looking Eagle Owl swooped through her open window and landed on the headboard of her bed, shaking out his feathers and elegantly regarding her across the room. She stood up and walked over to the bird, untying the letter from his outstretched leg before he departed out the window again, off into the fresh September air. 

The brunette sat down on the edge of her bed and unrolled the note, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth as she took in Draco’s words and familiar scrawl. Admittedly, her summer had not been as bad as his sounded, but she had missed him dearly and reading his letter only brought that aching feeling back to her heart stronger. She had wished they could have had time together outside of the school year, suggested it to him so many times she was practically begging her way down to Hogsmeade Station the previous spring, not being able to bear the thought of leaving without plans to see him at least once before school started again. However, he could do nothing but sadly shake his head, saying it was out of his control for now but rest assured, if something changed and he was able to see her she would know as fast as he could send Mordecai.

She hadn’t pried then, and now she was glad she had kept her mouth shut for the word that Lucius Malfoy had been captured and was now serving time at Azkaban had gone viral across wizarding London only days after she returned home. She couldn’t imagine her own father being imprisoned and the entire country knowing about it, and having to go back to school in the fall with her classmates all knowing made her feel even worse for Draco. She knew it was her place to step back and wait as he sorted things out, for like he said, he was the man of the house now. If he wanted her, he would owl for her, and so he did today, even if only to send his love and promises that he missed her as much as she missed him. 

They would be together soon enough, Pansy knew, and her heart soared as she folded the letter and put it in her bed side table before grabbing her wand and her trunk and heading for her bedroom door. 

***

Platform 9 3/4 was always mayhem on the day of the Hogwarts Express, and being a 6th year Prefect and having gone through this multiple times did nothing to help ease Draco’s frustration of waiting for the train to pull in, especially since he was looking around for Pansy with no sign of success. He had kissed his mother goodbye at the car and walked to the train himself, far too old and bothered with her at this point to hold her hand and watch her wave until he was out of sight over the hills. 

His thought was broken as a pretty girl with long brunette hair emerged through the crowd, pushing her way through parents, children, trunks and animals to get to the tall pale boy she had fallen in love with during their years together at school. She caught his eye and smiled at him before reaching him and gently taking his hands. 

“I missed you,” Pansy breathed, almost too quiet to hear among the bustle around them. 

The mere feeling of her small hands in his calmed Draco and helped to quell the frustrations and anxieties that had built up over the summer and only gotten worse in Diagon Alley and Knockturn Alley when he and Narcissa had been making plans for his work to perform for the Dark Lord. When he was with Pansy, it was like it was only the two of them... she was the sunshine, the fields full of green grass and the clouds floating by. There was no Dark Lord to please, no father to avenge, and no Potter to make his day miserable. Only her. 

He simply leaned down to kiss her, her hands going from his to gently caress the sides of his face. The gesture alone spoke volumes to her, for Pansy knew that even though he didn’t say he missed her back, he was very happy to see her. 

The train pulled into the platform during their intimacy and they only broke apart when the whistle blew, announcing all aboard to witches and wizards heading to Hogwarts. “Let’s go,” he told her, grateful that they were both Prefects and could spend every waking second together on the train ride to school. 

***  
After rounds, the two were finally allowed to retire to the Slytherin carriage, where Pansy settled by the window and Draco stretched out across the rest of the seat next to her, letting his head rest in her lap. She began to automatically run her fingers through his hair, looking at him so adoringly and so happy she could finally take care of him, as she had been itching to do so since she realized how much family turmoil he was going through. 

As she continued to play with his hair, Draco lamented about Slughorn and the fact that he was not invited to share in the preterm festivities, but shot Zabini down easily when the latter suggested Slughorn may not be interested in Death Eaters. Pansy couldn’t help but smile as she heard the familiar confident drawl come back into Draco’s voice as he bantered with their house mate. The boy she fell in love with during their third year had come back, emerged from hiding behind family matters and unnecessary stress. 

“I might not even come back to Hogwarts next year,” Draco was saying lazily, eyes still fixed on the ceiling of the car as Pansy tended to him. “I’m moving on to bigger and better things.” Whether they were indeed bigger and better, he yet did not know. However, there was truth to the fact that if the Dark Lord summoned him, he would not be completing his education and he wanted the departure to be on his terms. Perhaps if he talked about it enough in this way, it would be a good thing...his father would be released, him and his mother praised, and no harm would come to anyone.

His thoughts were broken when Zabini let out a snort. “Bigger and better? What, is she pregnant or something?”

Pansy’s hand stilled in Draco's locks for only a second to swiftly hit Zabini on the arm, then returned to her loving gesture. 

“Don’t worry,” Draco replied smoothly, flipping Zabini the finger. “My plans for next year and beyond are far, far out of your league.”

***

It was only when the train pulled into Hogwarts that Draco sat up, giving Pansy a quick kiss on the cheek in thanks before moving aside so she could get up along with Zabini, Crabb and Goyle and get her things in order to depart. Once her bag was slung over her shoulder, she automatically took Draco’s hand and headed for the carriage door, only to be left by herself when his fingers slid out through hers. 

“You coming?” she asked, turning to face him. 

“You go on,” he told her. “I’ll be right behind you.”

Not thinking much of it, Pansy shrugged and turned to step off the train, leaving Draco to his own devices... and a round of petrificus totalus to instill on an irritating set of green eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Night falls over Hogwarts on the first evening back.

Draco stepped off the near empty train and looked around the platform before striding up to the base of Hogsmeade Station. Having missed the carriages that would take him up to Hogwarts and realizing he would have to walk the long driveway, the scowl already on his face only seemed to grow deeper. Fucking Potter thinking he could just eavesdrop on any conversation he liked, that since he was “The Chosen One” he was entitled to do whatever he pleased, no matter how rude and inexcusable and no one would blame him for anything. A huge ego that one had on him, probably pushed onwards by the fact that he always managed to have someone killed or close to killed with each passing year and never received any punishment for it. Now, Lucius was in Azkaban and the whole school would know about it, and it was all Potter’s fault. 

The station was quiet as the rest of his classmates were gone... all except for one. Pansy was still waiting, looking around worriedly until she spotted Draco - then her face lit up with a relieved smile. 

Once again, Draco could feel his anger and tension simply melting away at the sight of her. He had told them all to go on without him, and despite it being a significant wait and Zabini, Crabb, and Goyle all having gone off to the welcome feast, Pansy had chosen to stay behind and make sure he was okay. 

“Everything alright?” she asked him, taking his hand as he approached. 

“We had a little eavesdropper, I suspected,” Draco answered, kissing her hand before starting the walk with her up to the castle. “But don’t worry love, he’s been...taken care of.”

It went unspoken that the eavesdropper was none other than Harry Potter, for Pansy knew the other boy insisted on doing nothing but trying to rip Draco’s life apart shred by shred. “Good,” she answered simply, looking up at the stars. She almost preferred this walk to the carriage ride, savoring every second she had back with her love...and remembering what he had said on the train, trying not to think about how it may be one of their last. 

***  
The welcome feast passed the same as it did every year, with Draco barely paying attention to Dumbledore’s speech and growing more tired by the second. Despite having Pansy back with him as a never ending source of calm and stress relief, being in the walls of the Hogwarts castle and so close to Dumbledore could only remind him of what he had been ordered to do, the thing that made his stomach twist into such a tight knot he felt as if he was almost being cut in two. 

He almost didn’t notice everyone getting up around him, heading off to their dorms to unpack and get ready for bed. Classes would start tomorrow, and as the students all had a long day of travel under their belts it was customary to turn in early the first night back at the school. Draco already knew that his belongings and Mordecai would be in his single room in the dungeon, the one his parents had ordered specifically for him to have since his first year at Hogwarts, simply dismissive at the thought of their precious boy sharing a room with others for he needed his space. That room came in handy for other reasons now, and he was ever thankful that for some reason the deep magic rooted in the building allowed girls to be in boys dorms, but not the other way around. 

“Spend the night with me?” Draco asked Pansy as they rose, reaching to lay a hand on her shoulder. She nodded eagerly, almost as if she knew he was going to ask, and he gave her a simple kiss before letting her go off to her room to get changed and ready for bed. Suddenly growing very tired, he headed down the familiar stone path to the dungeons with the rest of Slytherin House, and bypassed the common room to go straight to his own. Pushing the door open, the double bed, fireplace, and wood furnishings welcomed him as they did every year, his trunk at the foot of his bed. Mordecai’s cage was perched on top of it, and the owl gave a low hoot at his master’s entry. Wordlessly, Draco opened the cage door and Mordecai flew out the small window in the corner of his room, up out of the depths of the castle trails and into the black night. 

Pulling off his jacket, Draco looked down at his left forearm and paused before pushing the fabric up, revealing a faded, twisted tattoo of a skull and tentacles. When the job he had to do was at it’s time, the mark would sear with pain and darken to a deep, sinister black. Looking at it permanently on his skin almost made Draco sick to his stomach. This was his life now. He was nothing more than a slave to Lord Voldemort, something his parents had insisted was of the highest and most prestigious honor, and something he had to carry on as the next Malfoy in line of the family tree. He could almost cry at thought of it. His life was over, any chance of him doing anything he wanted in the future was over. And the worst part of it all, was that if he dared show Pansy, he risked the chance of losing her forever. For that, it would stay hidden, and the jokes of him being a Death Eater like his father would remain that - jokes. He was a student at Hogwarts, and nothing more. 

Draco had just changed for bed and climbed under his warm flannel covers when a soft knock came at the door, creaking open moments later for Pansy to stick her head in and look around. Upon seeing him, she gave a small eager smile and closed the door behind her, approaching him in a simple dark green shift night shirt and climbing into bed with him upon his invitation. His arms immediately went around her, pulling her impossibly close and heaving a deep sigh as she rested her head on his chest. They didn’t speak, words not needed and the silence comforting to them both. 

“I’m happy you’re back here with me,” Pansy whispered, running a finger down his pale collarbone. “I’m here for whatever you need...”

Draco didn’t answer for a moment, only closing his eyes and breathing in the scent of her hair, Pansy’s hand now running down his upper arm soothingly. “I love you, baby...” she was saying.

Draco turned to lay her down on the pillow and hover over her, leaning to kiss her earnestly and in a way he hoped showed how much he loved her too, loved her for everything she was and all she was willing to do in order to make him feel at ease. She wasn’t prying, she knew things were tough, but she was still here for him in every way possible. 

His left hand was still holding him up over her as his right found its way to her hip, gently gripping her side before gliding up over the slope of her waist and even higher until it was at her breasts, stopping there to gently grope her and remind himself of the gorgeous body he hadn’t touched in too long. He was too tired for sex tonight, but still wanted her under his hands, if only to remind himself that she was real, and she was really there. 

Pansy kissed him back earnestly and let him touch her, happy to do whatever he needed in the moment but also enjoying the way his hands wandered all over her body. Draco had always made her feel like a princess, loved her and her body and never made her feel insecure about anything, even the first time they had been intimate in this very room. After a few more moments of relishing in her skin, Draco’s hand fell and he moved back down to his side of the mattress, simply pulling her close again as he got drowsier. 

Pansy cuddled up to his side, closing her own eyes and breathing in his smell, the one that was intoxicating to her. His breathing grew slower and steadier, and even though they both knew they would have to get up earlier than everyone else to keep rumors of their bed arrangements from the rest of the house (and Snape), it was worth it. They couldn’t sleep alone, especially tonight after a long long time apart over the summer.   
He was soon fast asleep, holding her snugly against him. The expression on his face was the most calm and peaceful that Pansy had seen in awhile, especially today alone. She reached up to gently stroke his cheek with the back of her fingers, watching him rest. She didn’t know the last time he had had a proper rest, a sleep without the nightmare of his family problems consuming him, and her heart went out to him. She only wished she could take his pain away, but she would do the best she could to try and make things easier on him. 

Her Draco didn’t used to be like this. She had known him for six years now, since they were teeny babies coming across the lake as first years. Back then and as they grew older at the castle, he had been confident, snarky, and as appealing as ever as he grew taller and filled out. He matched her personality to atee, both of them confident yet dismissive, and true Slytherins: always ready to get what they wanted and not take anything else for an answer. Becoming the Prefects the prior year had only sealed the deal that the two of them were unstoppable, for he was clearly the ruler of their house and she was right there on his arm, ever ready to take the place of his lady. 

Things had started to change towards the end of the previous year, however. Around the time when his father had gotten into trouble at the Ministry that night... the last time he was ever around to return home to Malfoy Manor, to his wife and only son, only child. Draco had grown more anxious, more quiet and moody, and when Pansy bade him goodbye for their summer vacations she wished so desperately that she wouldn’t have to go such a long stretch of time without him....for fear that he would be completely gone when she saw him again. 

The boy waiting for her at the platform earlier that morning was her Draco. He was still there, under the worried glance that always hid behind his tired blue eyes, under the snappy arrogance that made more appearances than his confidence recently, as opposed to hand in hand. He was there when he held her just now, when he kissed her and when he fell asleep soundly against her. She knew she hadn’t lost him for good, and she was determined to keep it that way. Even unspoken, she knew he needed a rock, an anchor, something to keep him sane throughout whatever he was battling internally. 

So his rock, she became.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter falls on Hogwarts and Draco's mission starts to fall more heavily on his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always with fics please excuse canon inconsistencies that you may pick up on in this chapter. Nothing too major but I do like to point it out. :)

Pansy woke by alarm the next morning, the old clock mounted on the wall of Draco’s dorm charmed to shrill at the hour it had been instructed to - for them, six in the morning. Classes didn’t start until nine, and it gave them ample time before breakfast for Pansy to sneak back to her own dorm before everyone was awake and mulling about the common room. 

Draco’s front was pressed firmly against her backside, an arm thrown over her waist. Her night shift had ridden up during her sleep, exposing her panties and long, tan legs. She loved the feel of his sheets against her bare legs, of his arm over her, protecting her. It had admittedly been the best night’s sleep she had had in a while, and considering he was still out, probably the same for him.

Pansy gently moved his pale wrist from around her and slid from the bed, pulling the green blankets back up around him and smiling down at his sleeping face. Draco looked so peaceful, almost like a child again. The worried creases of his face were gone, smoothed over to make way for pure bliss in a dream like state. It was wishful thinking to hope it would stay that way once he woke up, but she could still dream. 

Draco stirred once he felt her warmth leave, and opened his blue eyes to see her standing over him, smiling. “How’d you sleep?” she asked, reaching out to stroke his cheek. 

“So, so much better with you,” he replied, voice still rough. “Wish you didn’t have to go.”

“I’ll see you in an hour at breakfast,” she said with a slight giggle, dropping a kiss on his forehead. “I love you.”

A smile played at the corners of Draco’s mouth. “Love you too.”

***

Their relationship played out as such at Hogwarts as fall turned into winter. Most if not all nights they spent slept together, and Pansy was thankful that her roommates were not the snitching type - she had no fears of them telling Snape that she rarely slept in her own bed at night for she was far too happy in her boyfriend’s. Trying to break them apart seemed almost impossible, for they spend as much time as possible together. Everywhere Draco went, Pansy was on his arm, whether it was to class, or to the library, or in the common room, where she would stretch across his lap as they studied or carried on conversation with Zabini or the other Slytherins. The only time they seemed to spend apart was when Draco was on the Quidditch pitch, and even then she was still there, if only in the stands during practice to watch and wave or during games to holler for her Slytherin Seeker. 

He needed her to survive, to stay sane amongst all the chaos that was happening in his life and Potter constantly making his shoulders tense and blood pressure rise. So one Saturday afternoon when snow was falling peacefully from the clouds above, Draco took Pansy’s hand and led her into Hogsmeade, to finally have a proper date with his lady. 

As they walked among the buildings and admired the window displays, Pansy let her head rest on Draco’s shoulder, a dreamy smile playing on her lips. “It’s nice to have a proper date with you, babe...”

“You too,” Draco replied, kissing her hair automatically. The two entered the Three Broomsticks to warm up, finding a secluded table in the back to twine together and perhaps engaged in some heavy petting away from other prying eyes of the pub. When they eventually stood up to go (and Pansy made sure her hair was just right to hide the flush of her cheeks), Draco kissed her nose before sending her outside, promising he would only be a moment and to wait for him.

The necklace was tied carefully so he wouldn’t be able to touch it, but he still was shaking like a leaf as he pulled it from it’s spot carefully concealed in his bag, and scanned the pub for someone to finish the job for him. The Gryffindor Chaser, Katie Bell, was laughing with her friends a few tables over...Draco had only caught her eye as she rose from the table and headed towards the bathroom. 

If he was a coward for trying to pass off an assassination on Dumbledore to someone else, then so be it. If this cursed necklace would do the job and even keep his name off the suspect roster, it was worth it. Not having to raise a wand and say those two dreaded words would make all the difference. 

He found himself automatically following Katie to the bathroom, the package in one hand and his other automatically reaching for his wand. Before he could even register the thought, it was out and pointed at Katie as she reached for the door handle to the ladies’ room. 

“Imperio!”

***

Christmas soon approached, and Slughorn’s holiday party commenced a few nights before everyone was to head home for break. After class, Pansy met Draco in the common room to do Prefect rounds like they always did. Instead of leaning casually against the brick wall of the dungeons and giving her a sly smile as he usually did, she found him in one of the chairs, visibly seething and staring at the wall in front of them, though his eyes were blank.

“What, upset you didn’t get an invite to Slughorn’s little party?” Pansy asked him, amused. 

“Can it, will you?” Draco snapped, but she wasn’t hurt over the remark. 

“Calm down,” she told him, raising a brow. “We can have our own little party here...” she whispered, letting a hand rest on his shoulder before running down his forearm sensually. 

Usually doing something like that earned a low growl from him, or a smirk, or a soft nip on the skin of her neck if he was feeling particularly feisty. But tonight he just let her hand fall back to her side, uninterested. “I’m gonna find a way in,” he said, determined as he stood up. “No one leaves a Malfoy off a party list, that’s for sure.” 

Pansy rolled her eyes before taking his hand and dragging him towards the door. “Have it your way.”

***

Draco did manage to sneak into Slughorn’s party, or so he thought before a rough hand was gripping the back of his jacket and hauling him across the floor, out of his hiding spot. Flich, the so called caretaker of Hogwarts, had caught him and was way too excited to expose him for what he was planning on doing.

“Get your hands off me, you filthy Squib!” Draco spat as he was dragged past various guests and thrown towards Slughorn, having no choice but to confess his intentions. However as he was trying to sweet talk his way out of any trouble, Professor Snape appeared and as he usually did, proceeded to clear Draco’s name of any trouble. Before Draco could give up on his plans, bow out and head back to the dungeons to take Pansy up on her offer from earlier, Snape had asked to have a private word with him and whisked him away to a dark hallway, out of sight from the others, especially Potter.

***

Seething even more than he thought possible, Draco stormed back to the Slytherin common room after managing to tear himself away from yet another person trying to practically climb inside him, Snape. Pansy was the only person as of lately who had been able to fully let into his life without feeling panic rising so much inside him that he couldn’t breathe. It was this reason among many more than he refused to accept Snape’s help, no matter what “unbreakable vow” Snape was going on and on about. 

Bullshit, Draco thought, descending the winding stairs down to the bowels of the castle. Pretentious git trying to weasel his way into Voldemort’s highest graces, a place where my family used to be, where my father used to be before Potter got him chucked in Azkaban. Like I would ever help him do that.

Katie Bell’s mishap with the necklace had also caused his panic and frustration to rise. The necklace was supposed to have gone to Dumbledore and killed him, but since all it did was put another student in St. Mungo’s and have the jewelry locked away for good, Draco was starting to get more edgy by the day that someone would suspect who was responsible. A failed assassination attempt wasn’t helping his confidence, either. 

Frustrated tears started to well up in the corners of his eyes, which he angrily brushed away. Draco Malfoy didn’t cry. Death Eaters didn’t cry. He had a job to do, and damn it that job would be done.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco's anger gets the best of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: non consensual acts follow

He was only half surprised to see Pansy waiting for him in his room instead of busying herself in her own. 

“Hi,” she said brightly, looking up from where she was painting her nails, blowing on the last one. “How was the- have you been crying?”  
Fuck. Draco cursed his fair complexion as even though a tear hadn’t fallen, he knew his eyes were red and irritated. “No,” he said sharply.

Pansy set her nail polish aside and scooted to the edge of the bed, letting her legs fall over the side. “Did you have fun?” she asked, a little hesitant for someone of her brash nature. She wasn’t scared of him, only trying to tread lightly on territory she knew was delicate. 

Draco had no answer, only sitting beside her and still visibly upset about the way Snape had cornered him, how Potter saw him trying to gatecrash, the fact that fucking Dumbledore was still alive and he would have to try again...

And then Pansy was gently kissing his cheek, her hand on his leg as she whispered sweet nothings in his ear. And suddenly, he didn’t want to hear it. The rage being pent up inside him, the short temper he had inherited from his father was close to boiling over, and the fact that this gorgeous girl next to him was here at his disposal, and her hand was running close to dangerous places...

Before he knew what he was doing he had turned and grabbed her, one hand on the back of her head and the other gripping her upper arm, and he was kissing her with a harshness he hadn’t used on her in a long time. Their love making and loving gestures as of late had been so delicate, so much relishing in being in each other’s company again that he had forgotten the thrill it gave him to grip her so tight she could almost break beneath him. 

Pansy gave a small sound of surprise at his sudden movement before closing her eyes and kissing him back, willing to delve into this corner of their relationship with no qualms. Draco’s hand had left the back of her head and was shoving her harshly down on the bed, so hard that a small gasp left Pansy as the air was knocked out of her. He was on top of her in an instant, hands running up and down her sides, under her shirt as he kissed and bit her neck. Normally Pansy loved being manhandled by him, but his teeth in her skin had passed the level of sexual pleasure and crossed into just pain. His hands were on her breasts now, groping her as he often liked to, but it was different than how he usually did, a bit rougher. The fact that his teeth were hurting her, that his weight seemed a lot heavier on top of her, that his breathing was ragged in a way that seemed more angry than aroused, all of it made her start to panic slightly. 

“Draco...” she managed to get out, whimpering as he bit her lower neck again way too hard. She was a bit taken aback, as he had never treated her like this before. Sure, they had had rough sex and gotten a little carried away in the smacking department, but it was always consensual and he took it slow, relishing every moment and letting his darker side come out to play. This time was just...anger, and she felt herself really not liking it. 

“Draco...” she tried again, as one of his hands left her breast for the lower edge of her skirt, starting to yank it down off her hips. “Draco stop!” she said firmly, managing to shove him off her. He sat up, eyes blown wide but more wild than she had seen in awhile. Surprisingly, Pansy found herself close to tears, out of nothing but pure confusion for his actions. She grabbed the edge of her skirt and pulled it back up to cover her as a lone tear slipped down her cheek. Draco only stared at her, bewildered, and for once in front of him Pansy felt more awkward and shy than she ever had in her life, more than even when naked in all her glory for him to see. Fully clothed now, she felt exposed and insecure, and it only made her throat close up more with emotion and harder for her to get the words out. 

“That hurt...” she managed to whimper, her fingers gingerly touching her neck where he had attacked her, knowing she would have to cover a lot of damage in the morning. She looked up at him sadly, knowing that this wasn’t who he was and what he had just done was an attempt to try and cover up his feelings even further. “What’s the matter with you baby? What’s bothering you, please tell me...”

Draco’s shoulders slumped, his hair disheveled and his breathing slowly returning to normal at the same pace that his eyes calmed and cleared once again to their pristine sky blue. “Pans...” he choked out, and his voice was more tired than she knew it to be on their latest study nights. “I-I’m sorry...”

He looked so shocked himself by what he had just done that Pansy no longer felt intimidated. Instead she simply opened her arms and beckoned him closer, and he immediately fell into a hug and buried his face in her shoulder. “I’m sorry baby, please forgive me... I’ll never do that again...”

Pansy laid her cheek to rest on top of his blonde locks, her hands running up and down his back soothingly. “You aren’t yourself,” she said eventually, deciding to brave entering the territory again. “You haven’t been since school started this year. What’s bothering you, my love... please tell me, it will make you feel better. I love you, I’m here to help...”

I’ve been born into a life of slavery, he thought from his position in her arms. I’m of age now, and I’m finally entrusted with the task I’ve been set to do since I was a baby. My father is in Azkaban, and I’m now the only one who can take his place as I’m the only Malfoy heir. I am a Death Eater... I have the tattoo from Voldemort himself, and I’ve been given a mission that I have to fulfill or my entire family dies, me included. I have to kill Dumbledore, and I’m terrified. If I don’t, I die, and I lose you forever. I can’t do that Pans, I can’t...

But the words never left his mouth, for he knew he just could not tell her. Would she leave? Would she shove him aside, horrified, before fleeing from his room and running to Dumbledore, McGonagall, someone that could throw him in Azkaban next to his father to rot away? He couldn’t risk it. Selfish it may be, but he needed her to survive now and he was not about to throw that away. 

There was something however, that he could show her. Something that would take a weight off his shoulders, and something that she could know about without spilling all the details. He wanted her to be a part of his entire life as much as possible, as he hated keeping secrets from her no matter the consequences behind letting them out. Pansy was his world, the only one that he had even debated spending the rest of his life with, and he owed her a little bit of knowledge as to what was going on. 

“I have to show you something,” he told her, sitting up and sliding off the bed. Pansy followed, taking his outstretched hand and following him out the door, back up the stairs and to the main hallways of the castle.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco lets Pansy in on a secret.

“Draco, where are you taking me?” Pansy hissed, her voice just above a whisper as Draco pulled her along the hallway of the castle. “It’s almost after hours, Snape could come looking for us and give us detention!” 

“Like Snape would give me detention,” Draco scoffed, but he faltered upon remembering how he had sassed Snape and left him in the dust only hours before. 

The two stopped in an empty hallway that Pansy remembered from her brief time the previous year on the Inquisitorial Squad of Professor Umbridge. “The room of requirement?” she asked, curious. 

Draco nodded, before tightening his grip on her hand. “Show me what I’ve been working on,” he told the wall firmly. “Show me the room of hidden things, so I can show my love.”

At once a door appeared in the wall, and Draco turned the knob before pushing the door open and entering, Pansy following him curiously. The room of hidden things was piled high with knick knacks, toys and other things not allowed on Hogwarts grounds. It looked like a mere junk room, something a hoarder would keep all their things stashed in, an attic maybe. However Pansy knew that given it’s name, the room existed for each and every user to hide something they didn’t want anyone else to know about. 

Still holding her hand, Draco led Pansy across the room to the far corner, where a tall piece of furniture stood under a dusty blanket. His free hand yanked the edge of the blanket, and when it came tumbling off, a tall cabinet stood behind it, framed in beautiful darkened oak wood and ornately detailed with brass knobs and finishings. 

They both just looked at it for a moment. “A cabinet,” Pansy said flatly. 

“It’s called the vanishing cabinet,” Draco told her. “And when used correctly, it can transport anything you want between itself and another sister cabinet in a different place.” 

“Oh.” That made more sense. “Why do you need to go somewhere else?”

“I don’t,” Draco replied, hesitating. “It’s just.. Something I promised my parents I would work on. For future needs, they just want me to know how to do it.” He tripped over his words, trying to explain as best he could without exactly lying and without exactly telling the truth, either. “Filch would have my head if he knew, considering the security measures around here... and I won’t even get started on McGonagall. There’s one here, and there’s one at Bourgin & Burkes. My parents thought it would be a good use of my spare time this year to perfect things going between the two, and I have to do it in secret.”

It made enough sense to Pansy, and she was glad that he was finally sharing something with her. “So it’s been contributing to your stress I imagine, trying to keep this a secret from everyone, learn how to use it, and yet give up your free time for it?” 

That actually was true, Draco realized. He hadn’t even thought that anything besides his mission to kill Dumbledore would be a cause of stress, but Pansy was right. “Yeah,” he breathed. 

Pansy nodded, looking the cabinet up and down again. “Show me something?”

“What?”

“Show me what you’ve been practicing.”

“Well..” Draco hesitated. “I’ve been doing mostly inanimate objects, back and forth. But I think I’m ready to step up another level.” 

His gaze turned to a small bird cage in the corner, a round metal cage with a single small door on the front that was sitting upon a stack of haphazard books. The bird inside the cage was small, a parakeet that Draco had placed specifically in the room of requirement for use when the time was right. 

“I’ve been working with inanimate objects,” he said softly. “But I think I’m ready to try something that’s alive...”

He opened the cage door and allowed the bird to step on his finger, Pansy watching. Draco then opened the cabinet door to reveal bare shelves inside, made of the same polished wood. He placed the bird on a middle shelf, watched it hop around for a moment, then closed the door and looked at it intently before closing his eyes and murmuring an almost silent incantation. 

Although nervous, he concentrated with all his might and after a moment, reached out and grasped the cabinet handle, not giving himself a second to doubt anything before yanking it open.

The door was bare.

Draco breathed a sigh of relief as Pansy lay a hand on his shoulder and gave an encouraging smile. “You did it, babe. I’m so proud of you.”

He kept staring at the cabinet, face determined. “Now it just has to come back...alive.”

Pansy took a step back and let him concentrate, watching as he stared at the cabinet again, trying with every ounce of his being to bring something that was alive back between the two cabinets for the first time. 

After a moment, he reached out and opened the door again. The bird was there...but dead. 

There was silence for a moment as the two just stared, before Draco reached out and cupped the lifeless animal in his hands. The unspoken discouragement of his failed task hung heavy in the air and Draco bit his lip before dropping his head in defeat. 

“I’m sorry, babe,” Pansy whispered, an arm going around his shoulders. “You’ll get better with practice. I know you can do it.” She kissed his cheek encouragingly. “You have the makings of a great wizard.”

***

Days passed and Pansy slowly grew more concerned than ever for her boyfriend, as he was starting to look even more gaunt and pale than was possible for someone as pale and fair as he already was. He stumbled into the common room one night looking disheveled and disoriented, and Pansy wished with all her might that he could soon be able to tell her the full extent of what he was up to. The stress was weighing on him so heavily she was afraid that it was only a matter of time now before something bad happened. 

***

The next day in the Great Hall, the students had gathered for breakfast like usual and Pansy had come down alone, having kissed Draco on the nose and left him to his own devices an hour prior. The spacious room was abuzz, and it only took light questioning from her fellow Slytherins to realize that Katie Bell was back at school, having been released from St. Mungo’s with a clean bill of health despite her near death experience weeks prior. 

Pansy was only able to make out Harry Potter and Katie conversing in the middle of the hall over many curious heads also watching, before Draco caught her eye, entering the Great Hall and stopping dead in his tracks at the sight of the recovered brunette across the room. 

Fear and panic flashed across his eyes as Harry Potter turned around to see him, and Draco slowly began to back up before turning and leaving the room as fast as he came in, trying to be inconspicuous but failing. “Draco!” Pansy called, standing up. “Babe where are you going?”  
“Leave him,” Blaise told her, putting a hand on her shoulder and sitting her back down. “Let him calm down, and try to fix it later. You don’t want to suffocate him.”

Pansy reluctantly sat back down, knowing Blaise was probably right. Even so, she didn’t like how Harry Potter ran off in the same direction Draco did only moments later.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an unfortunate duel in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, Draco's spirit is more broken than ever.

Draco tore through the halls, his breathing growing quicker and more shallow as he blindly made his way to Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom - the one place where he had been able to just break down and cry. 

He knew deep down that Pansy would not have cared in the slightest if he had a cry on her shoulder, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it because he knew it would do nothing but cause her to prod further about his mission. That was something he just couldn’t cough up, and he was slowly suffocating over it. He had no one to talk to, no way to get out of this without someone winding up dead, and seeing Katie Bell back at school only made things worse. Her appearance had caused a full on panic attack, for now more than ever people would be growing suspicious of who tried to kill her, and what their intentions were. 

He couldn’t go to Azkaban. He just couldn’t.

Draco bent over the sink in the bathroom and let himself break down, crying in the empty room for only the walls and Myrtle to hear. He was truly, royally, fucked. 

A shadow at the corner of the doorway caught his eye, and upon seeing who it was his breath caught in his throat and he froze, tears still streaming down his face. Harry fucking Potter. 

Just who he needed to find out what he was up to, and turn him over for good. Even worse, seeing him in this state would do wonders for his reputation. Anger surged through Draco’s discouraged body as he immediately pulled out his wand, Potter mirroring him just as quickly. 

“Crucio!” The curse left Draco’s mouth before he even knew what he was doing, but he didn’t care that it was illegal. Potter needed to shut up, once and for all. 

The brunette neatly dodged the curse and aimed one back at his nemesis. “Expelliarmus!” 

Draco dodged the bolt of light as well, and before either boy knew it a full on battle had ensued, curses being shot and dodged faster than the speed of light. Draco was still crying out of humiliation more than anything, and one small moment’s loss of concentration cost him as Potter hit him square in the chest with a curse he had never heard of. 

“Sectumsempra!”

Draco fell flat on his back on the concrete floor as lightning bolts of pain shot through his torso. Blood started pouring from slash wounds across his chest and face, and the agony left him immobile, hiccuping and sobbing on the floor of the bathroom as the pools of dark blood seeped around him. Just let me die, he found himself thinking. Then I won’t have to kill Dumbledore, this will all be over... 

He barely noticed Potter stammering in shock above him, and didn’t notice at all as Snape swept into the bathroom, drew his own wand and started murmuring unintelligible incantations, healing the deep wounds one by one on Draco’s body. 

The blood started to fade from the floor, the pain diminished to a dull ache, but Draco was spent beyond reason and all he could be coherent of was the fact that either him or Potter needed to die - for sanity’s sake. 

***  
The next thing Draco knew, he was waking up in the sterile white hospital wing, wrapped in gauze bandages where he had been hit by the sectumsempra curse. Pansy was next to him, sitting beside his hospital bed and holding his hand. 

“Oh thank God,” she breathed, her tone anxious as she kissed his forehead. “You’re alright...”

“Pans..” As always, Draco’s confusion and anxiety dissipated the second he saw her. Pansy was here, and she would take care of him. The mere sight of her made his emotions come tumbling out, as he had hit his limit and needed love and support now more than ever. He was only half surprised to find himself tearing up again, the vision of her growing blurry beside him. “It’s Potter’s fault,” he choked out, thoroughly fed up with the Chosen One. 

Pansy’s arms were immediately around him and the dam broke. Draco was sobbing earnestly into her shoulder, and she was holding him as tight as she could without hurting his injuries further. “It’s Potter’s fault!” Draco lashed out between sobs, still clutching her. “Why can’t he just leave me alone!”

Pansy remained silent, holding him and letting him cry as she too started to tear up. For Draco to be this vulnerable, he had to be in a lot of pain and under a lot of stress. Her heart ached, for she knew that as hard as she tried she still may never know what was causing him to be this way. But he needed her now more than ever, so she didn’t even think of leaving.

Both she and Draco weren’t aware of how long his cries lasted, but eventually he grew silent against her shoulder and fell back asleep. Pansy gently laid him down on his pillows and pulled the blanket up over him before taking his hand again and kissing it. “I love you,” she whispered sadly. “I love you.”

***

When Draco woke again, the large windows of the hospital wing were pitch black with night, and Pansy was asleep next to him, her hand in his and her head astride his lap. It might have been awful uncomfortable to fall asleep like that, and his heart went out to her, for she had refused to leave him.

Pansy stirred as his body moved beneath her and lifted her head, smiling a little at him, as he looked better than he did before. 

“Hey,” she said softly. 

Draco gave her a sad smile. “Hi.”

“I got word from others in the common room that you had been hit by an unknown curse, by Harry Potter...” Her eyes darkened in anger. “A-and that Snape had saved you, he healed you as best he could before sending you here.”

“You don’t have to stay,” Draco told her, even though he desperately didn’t want her to leave. “You should go get some proper rest babe, you can stay in my room...”

“No!” Pansy protested. “I’m not leaving you, not after what happened to you.” A tear fell down her cheek, which she abruptly brushed away. “I hope he gets expelled for that, using an unknown curse on you, look what he did...” her breath caught in her throat as her fingers gently ran over Draco’s taped up chest, the bandages poked out from under his loose collar. “Snape healed you the best he could, but Madam Pomfrey said it only stopped you from bleeding out. You still have deep wounds.”

“I can feel that,” Draco said, shifting uncomfortably. “Still hurts.”

She nodded. “I’m here for whatever you need. I love you,” she ended, somewhat softly. 

Draco took her hand and leaned forward despite the protesting pain on his front, gently kissing her on the lips. “I love you too.”

***

Draco was discharged from the hospital wing on a Friday, purposely right before a weekend in order to let him get his bearings again before class started on Monday. He and Pansy however, went straight to his single dorm where he could continue to recover before facing class, his fellow Slytherins, Potter...and the rest of the school, which by now probably knew all about what had happened. Shit spread like wildfire at Hogwarts.

Draco climbed in his bed, relieved to have his familiar green blankets back instead of the pristine white of the hospital wing. Despite resting as much as he did under Madam Pomfrey’s care, he was still exhausted and didn’t object when Pansy clambered into bed next to him and pulled him into her arms, letting him rest on her chest and run her hands through his platinum locks the same way she did on the train ride to Hogwarts many months ago. Her melodic voice was murmuring sweet nothings of love to him as she pet him, rhythmically lulling him to sleep.

Draco relaxed fully against her and closed his eyes, growing drowsy under her care. “You’d make a great mother,” he told her sleepily, before he could register what he was saying. 

Pansy’s hands in his hair didn’t falter, and she gave a fond smile as she continued to love on him. 

“Maybe you’d like to marry me someday,” Draco continued, snuggling further into her chest and heaving a sigh. 

Pansy knew it wasn’t a proposal, and she didn’t mind either way. “Someday you will have all you’ve ever dreamed,” she reassured him. “I promise.”

Her words fell on mostly deaf ears, for soon after Draco fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dreaded night commences.

It was done. He had finally done it. 

Draco couldn’t help but let out a whoop of joy as he successfully brought a small mouse between the two cabinets alive, not once, twice, but three times in a row. He had done it, the cabinet was fully restored and ready for entry into Hogwarts.

His parents would be so damn proud of him...and so would Voldemort. Maybe enough to spare anyone harm, even if he didn’t kill Dumbledore. Just maybe...

***

Unfortunately, the satisfaction of the Vanishing Cabinet being fixed was short lived, for with dread Draco realized that now Death Eaters were permitted in the castle whenever they liked - and the time had come for him to kill Dumbledore. The all too familiar feeling of the walls seeming like they were caving in on him, squeezing him at the sides until he had no breath, was back. 

And then his legs were walking, taking him away from the Room of Requirement and away from the stairs down to the dungeons. Where he was going he wasn’t quite sure, until he found himself ascending the stairs to the clock tower, in need of fresh air. It was dark out, stars just beginning to twinkle in the sky. However it was just cool enough in the late Spring to be refreshing, to calm him down slightly and try to ease the iron grip on his lungs. 

What was he going to do? The necklace hadn’t worked, the poison he had tried to sneak to Dumbledore through Slughorn had somehow wound up poisoning Weasley... well, that wasn’t too much of a surprise in itself but it still hadn’t reached the right person. It seemed with every failed attempt there was no choice but avada kedavra... the thought of having to perform that spell, to actually have a murder under his belt almost made Draco sick. 

He knew she was there before she said anything. Draco always knew when Pansy was there with him. He wished she wasn’t...not that he didn’t want her to be, but he knew that the closer he came to this task the more danger she was in. He wanted to protect her, and he knew that he just wasn’t the person who could. 

“I thought I would find you up here,” she said softly, still behind him as he looked over the balcony out to the mountains. 

“You know me too well, Pans,” he said quietly. 

“Why can’t you just tell me...” she said softly, her tone dropping to gentle, but still prodding as she walked up to him. “Please... I can see whatever this is, it’s killing you...you’re wasting away, Draco...”

There was silence between them before he spoke. “That’s the thing,” he managed to get out around holding back sobs. “I don’t want to be killed.”

His gaze never strayed from the banister of the clock tower, tears blurring his vision as he tried with all his might to keep from breaking down in front of her - again. Pansy’s brown eyes strayed from his face down to his left arm, still holding the banister and covered like always, with a long sleeve. Slowly, gauging his reaction, she reached for the sleeve, wondering the whole way. Was it possible that he meant...no, it couldn’t be.

Her fingers closed around the end of the fabric at his wrist, and with tears still dripping from his face as he looked angrily down at the banister, Pansy slowly pushed up his left sleeve to his elbow before taking his wrist again and turning it up to reveal his forearm. Despite knowing deep down what was there, terror still ran through her body like an icy chill when the dark mark, clear as day, appeared in it’s sinister curl on Draco’s pale skin. Pansy’s vision was now blurry with tears as she looked back up at him, begging him silently to meet her gaze. 

“It’s not what you think.” Draco’s tone was almost pleading. “I-I have no choice, Pans... he’ll kill me if I don’t do what he wants, he’ll k-kill me...”

She couldn’t find the words to speak, or move, or do anything. But still, she found herself having no urge to flee, as she wasn’t scared of him. 

“I was born into this, m-my father is a Death Eater and my m-mother...and my aunt, she’s the one who killed Sirius Black, she escaped from Azkaban...” The words were now pouring out of his mouth so fast Pansy could barely register them. “My father’s locked up, I’m the next in line now...either Dumbledore dies, or I do a-and...” Draco looked up at Pansy, his pale face distraught as the emotion he had been smothering for months finally wore him down. “I don’t want to kill Dumbledore, Pans...”

A sob escaped his mouth before he was falling into her arms, Pansy ready and waiting to hold him while trying to absorb what had just been revealed the best she could. “We have to run,” she told him, a hand running through his hair. “We have to get you out of h-”

“No!” Draco interrupted, pulling away. “I can’t, he’ll know, he knows everything!” His eyes held nothing but sheer panic as he looked at her. “I’m not a killer, I d-don’t want to be...” His voice dropped to a whisper, “...but I can’t bear to lose you.” 

Pansy searched his eyes desperately, her own shining with tears as he continued. “I tried to get the necklace to him, but it hit Katie Bell instead, I tried to poison him but Ron Weasley got it... I’ve been trying so damn hard Pansy, I don’t want to have to kill him with my own damn wand, but I don’t have a choice.” His voice dropped to a whisper, the most pathetic whisper anyone would ever hear come out of Draco Malfoy. “Please don’t leave me.”

Pansy dragged him back into her hold, sobbing herself. “I’m not going anywhere,” she choked out. “I’m not abandoning you.” She held him at arm’s length and took in his terrified and distraught complexion. “What are we going to do?”

***

She finally got him to sleep that night, hands softly playing in his hair. Having this type of a weight on his shoulders was killing him almost at the same rate that Voldemort’s impending threat would. They had decided he had no choice. He would kill Dumbledore, then flee back to hiding at Malfoy Manor, her following closely. She was no Death Eater, she was no supporter of the Dark Lord’s reign. However, she was a supporter of Draco, and he needed her now more than ever. 

So when he found himself at the steps of the castle, wand pointed with a shaking hand at his headmaster, she was hiding behind the door only feet away. Nevermind that she could have been killed by a Death Eater or someone from the Order of the Phoenix, who were battling her only yards away. She couldn’t hear what Draco was saying, but as she saw Dumbledore calmly speak back to him, she knew that Draco just couldn’t bear to do it, or else he would have already. 

The boy she loved, and who so many hated, was not made of stone. He was not a cold hearted killer, and as Dumbledore was even saying, not an assassin. So when Snape took over and said those dreaded words, it was all Pansy could do to not let out a scream as Dumbledore fell lifeless, and Draco tore back into the castle behind his Head of House, looking nauseous. 

“Draco!” she cried out, reaching for his hand. What had just happened?!

“Pans..” he turned to face her as her hand grabbed onto his arm. “I..I have to go.” Snape was already striding ahead through the castle, presumably fleeing the scene of the crime. Draco feared persecution as well, since he was the one who seemed to have intentions to kill Dumbledore.

“Go where?” she asked him, equally pale and voice feeble. 

Draco shook his head, unable to say. “Meet me at the manor,” he whispered, pulling her close and letting his hands fall to her waist one last time. “Meet me there, this summer...I’ll be there for you then. I promise.” 

THE END


End file.
